Welcome to my life...

Back home for good

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 15:19:29 GMT

Yeah that's right, I'm back! I got back yesterday around 7 and damn was it a nice feeling to be home again to California. I was dumb to go back the first time since they lied to me on the phone and when I got there, but whatever its being put behind me now. Yesterday was so awesome, I got to see my two very best friends Andrew and Drew! The odds of them being nearby when I was at Wal-Mart was just perfect. They came rushing at me once they got to Starbucks and it was just one of the greatest feelings in my life...Girls were acting kind of shady, but whatever I don't really care anymore. I don't get involved in drama anymore because in the Army, there isn't any. I am more confident in who I am and I don't really care what people think of me. And oh my god...GIRLS!!! I got to see so many girls this past week from different states, I was going crazy. I even had a couple come up to me because they thought I was cute and all. I guess I gotta thank the Army for that. Anyway, I gotta get going so to take care of stuff, my birthday is in 5 days YEAH!!!! Shoutout to Atlanta - ATL FO SHO!

I need to change the user pic both on myspace and here...I don't even look like that anymore lol. And I am not angry either!

Coming back home

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 15:16:57 GMT

If you haven't heard by now, I went AWOL on Monday. I've been taking care of it to get it resolved quickly so they are going to just give me a general discharge. I have to go back today to sign the paperwork for the discharge and then after that they will send me home. I should be back in a week or two since they like to take their time when it comes to paperwork, but once its done...I'm out. No more Army for a long time if ever and definitely not Infantry.

I'm just glad I'll be back in Cali again for the summer, be able to see you all, and most important...do what it takes to get what I want. I have now figured out what I want to do and I have the Army to thank for that. I will work hard for it and after going through what I've been through, everything else seems too easy. So when I get back, I will call many of you to let you know and we can do something or whatever. Later.

HEY ALL!!!

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 17:51:18 GMT

I finally am being able to use a computer all the way from Georgia! Damn I miss home so much...I can't believe its already been almost 2 months now. We've done so much in the past 2 months that its hard to think how things were before all of this. When you start firing an M16, an M249 SAW, and even a M203 Grenade Launcher it changes your perspective on things. I qualified with my M16 on the first day as Marksman so that was pretty cool because I've only shot a gun one day in my life so it surprised me big time. Being yelled at and doing so many pushups, situps, etc., for doing the wrong thing as a platoon (about 40-50 guys) especially when you didn't cause your platoon to get in trouble...sucks! Its so damn hot and humid here, Cali weather is so much better than Georgia trust me.

We've done so much PT (physical training) that most of us are exhausted and sore, but we are hella stronger than before. On our last PT test I did 46 pushups in 2 minutes, 50 situps in 2 minutes, and a 2 mile run in 14:48. It's just unreal how much things have changed for me and though I hate it here I've met some really cool people, grown up some, and definitely appreciate what I have, what I did have, and what I can have. I miss you all and I hope I get to come home soon to see you, but till then I just have to keep moving along. The computer here wouldn't let me post a blog because of a Javascript issue so that is why I am making a bulletin instead. Anyway, back to using up my 8 hour pass to do what I want so I'm going to play some games with my friends. LATER ALL!!!!

My last post

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 18:10:47 GMT

This will be my last post for LJ...I am going to let it expire most likely because I don't see the point anymore in keeping it going for two reasons. One, I will be gone for awhile and two I don't think I need it anymore. I will change and my perspective on things such as LJ, Myspace, and just things in general will change.

I just want to say that yes I am scared...I've been getting more scared as the days keep getting closer and the thought of me never ever coming back alive is starting to get to me. Thing is though, when I give my word I keep it, so I am NOT backing out. I want to make it also clear that I am doing this for ME and not for anyone else. If it happens to effect others then so be it, but in the end this is entirely for myself. I have pretty much told you all how I feel about you individually either on myspace or in person so I don't see the need for saying what I have said over again. I am going to miss California so much...the weather, the people both mean and nice, and just...California. I love it here and always will no matter what.

As I have been waiting for the day I leave I keep driving around places I haven't driven to before and looking around thinking to myself...wow, I am really going to leave all of this behind. Then I think of all the people in my life and who I have effected in a small or large way and I see how they are doing now and I see how they are doing better without me around. I am not looking for pity or anything so don't even think that this is what its about. I just have been observing lately and it seems that people are getting along better without me in their lives at the moment. I am not entirely happy with myself and I do not like not knowing where I am going in life, at least having a direction or goal. As I have said, many of you are lucky to have what you have and you should all kind of sit back and realize it. Might even change your perspective on things.

Hopefully when I come back, if I do, you will all be grown up a little more maturity wise, not saying that some of you are immature, but you will start to see maybe what I was always talking about when I mentioned how work was, how I felt about things, etc. Right now I feel that many of you don't get it and I have to remind myself that many of you haven't even had to go through some of the same things I have yet so how could you possibly understand what I talk about? Anyway, I will most likely come back different and my priorities will be way more so in order than they are now. I'll come back a better person...a better man.

Lastly, I'd like to say thanks to all the friends that have shown they actually care about what is even going on and not act like nothing is happening. I have come to realize that some of my so-called friends don't really seem to be so and I am learning to deal with that. I can take that kind of news because it has happened before, but it doesn't make it any better. So to the friends who care, thank you and I hope I make good on my promise about coming back alive and seeing you all. I will miss many of you and I hope everything goes good for most of you. For the last time....goodbye.

In the Army now

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 23:30:58 GMT

Well its done, I'm officially apart of the U.S. Army. I signed up for 3 years Infantry and will be leaving April 21st at 5 am for Ft. Benning, Georgia. I've pretty much told all of you how much you mean to me and that I will miss all of you. There's not too much to say that I already haven't said. I will be gone for approximately 14 weeks and will try to request Hometown Recruiting so I can have a chance to come back here for 10 days and chill with all of you in my off hours. I'm just glad its final and I feel more at ease about things...sure I'm scared, its a new, different experience, but one I am willing to try out and have to now lol. I will try to see all of you before I leave and if I miss any of you before I do leave, I say a very fond farewell to you and know that I will always remember all of you and the times we had together. So long...

Moving closer and closer...

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 04:19:16 GMT

I'm seriously getting so fed up with things...I come home and I tell my mom what's up and all she does is flip out on me and say wtf how are you going to pay for this and that and to be honest I don't know. I just know I'm trying to get rid of things that piss me off and stress me out. My job was one of them, its an easy job as far as the amount of skill you need, but it gets so fucking boring and its lonely. I like dealing with people and I'd rather have a job where I would have an excuse to talk to people. Anyway...I just read two letters Chris sent and one made me do something which I like never do and most of you have never seen me do and that is....cry. I miss him so much and I wish I could be there with him to help him out and all, but I can't.

He wrote how he hopes I'm doing good and for me to try and have fun. Also, that I would do so good where he is at like the marching, tests, following orders, etc., which I know I could do. This feeling of wanting to just leave keeps coming and going and its pissing me off. I keep seeing so many roadblocks preventing me from doing anything with my life and I'm sure there are ways to get around, but I don't even know if I even have the strength and patience to do so anymore. I'm so drained from the constant up and down going on in my life right now that it just doesn't make me want to try anymore. It seems so much easier to just leave and do something I know I could excel at.

I know people are dying over in Iraq and all, but for some reason the thought of being shot at doesn't seem to bother me so much and that my willingness to knowingly risk my life doesn't either. I feel so empty right now it sucks...I don't see the point in trying at times because I do something and another obstacle gets in the way. I don't even know what I want anymore to be honest. I wish I could go back a year ago when I knew exactly what I wanted and did everything to get it. Now I just have no idea and maybe doing this Army thing will give me at least something to work toward, even if its just for the government or whatever. I feel like a fucking mindless grunt right now which would be great for them I'm sure. I guess if this makes me sound all childish then so be it, but I honestly think I am just being fucking real. I don't have a family that makes good money, I don't have the same experiences that others have had, even my brother. I've had to play catch-up for two fucking years and now all I have are experiences to look back on...

I just keep moving closer and closer toward leaving so I don't have to feel this way anymore. I'm tired of feeling hurt inside all the time. I've made so many stupid mistakes that I don't see myself being able to make up for it or fix them. Maybe I'll grow up if I leave and then come back and be better then I am now...or dead. I should be a little more honest...I do want certain things, but I am not going to fucking get them. I want Christina back, isn't going to happen. I want to find some direction, isn't happening so far. I want to be back down in the valley close to my friends and the life I had down there, not happening so far either. I wish I could have the same things you all have...but no I will never have that because it will never happen.

Your all so lucky for the things you have, don't ever take it for granted. IM me or whatever if you want me to explain what I mean further. Well anyway...if I go you will all know and I know I have already said this before, but I don't care so I am saying it again. I am proud of one thing though, I have always been a friend or tried to be to all of you so I have no regrets there. I will miss all of you for sure, but at least you can think of it as...I'm fighting for all of you to have good times, bad times, feel happy, feel crappy, be a bitch if you want, be a great person, whatever you want to be I'd be fighting for you. I always am making sacrifices for others so they are happy, so what would be so different doing it this way anyway...I love you all and I just want all of you to be happy, even if I can't be around to see it be there to experience it with you.

Wow!

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 19:38:47 GMT

God I don't know what to say...you all are so special in your own way and I appreciate everything you've said. I feel kinda bad now because I feel if I back out then I got you all feeling sad for nothing, but I know thats a childish way of thinking about it. After talking with Andrew's mom it really got me thinking about things. No one had talked to me in that way about it at all, not even my mom, so I listened. I still mean every single thing I said about all of you and I will never back away from how I feel about you all. I seriously have to rethink some of this now and see what I can do, I don't want to leave if I don't have to and I really want to move back down near this area if anything.

My whole life and all the crazy, fun, best experiences I have had have been here...with all of you. I don't want to lose that and if I don't want to then why the hell would I think of doing something that would take me far away? I don't understand it completely so I can't tell you exactly, some of you know the reasons that drove me to think about doing this in the first place. You have all helped me change, grow, learn in the past two years I lived out here, more so then I would have ever changed if I never did move out here. That's why I miss you all so much, I don't want to lose the people who have helped to make my life better in every way possible. I hope I am there for all of you in the way you need me to be. I care about all of you, I would do anything for you guys! I just want things to work out and balance out for a change on my end. When that will happen, hell if I know, but it just has to balance out. It has done so for some of you when you were going through some downs and now going through some ups (lol UPS). Whatever I decide to do, never forget that I love every single one of you and that I would not trade any of you for anything in the world. You are all so unique in your own way and that is why I love you all the way you are. <3

An Army of One...(long)

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 10:37:23 GMT

I'm posting this on LJ as well since not everyone I know has a myspace so here it is.
Well I've finally come to a decision...I am going to go later today to the recruiting office and see about enlisting. I've thought long and hard about this and I've thought of every reason to stay and for any reason to do so. My friends...omg I love you all, seriously. Your all the fucking best and I will miss you so much and by the time I come back alot of you will be different. You've all done so much for me and I can't show you all enough how much you mean to me. Ever since I was little I've always been interested in joining the military and I almost did when I turned 18, but then I was given the oppurtunity to move out to West Hills which changed me in so many ways. I told myself, if I ever was to enlist, I want to be fully committed. No second thoughts, no doubts. I've finally come to that point and I think it will be for the best.

For one, I need to grow up seriously...I am still so naive about things. Being in the Army I know will make me change whether I like it or not. Two, I can't stay for reasons that are not solid enough for me. I would stay because of all of you, but other shit will get to me like work and where I'm having to live right now. It gets to me more, day in and day out. I would be just hating myself the whole time and my situation and you would all see it in me. Three, I am going nowhere right now in my life. I'm out of school, I drive back and forth just for my job, I hardly get to spend any time with my friends except this past week which has been great, but still. All I am doing lately is sleeping and working. That's not a life I want to have and I see the Army as a way out of the situation.

I want to say also some things to certain people:

Christina: I'm sorry if I've caused any drama, anger, bitterness, etc. I think maybe the reason why I was not completely over you is that inside I was trying to find a reason to stay and I guess I was trying to make you the reason I would stay. Very selfish on my part and I'm sorry. You are a great girl and I hope things work out for you in the end with Taylor or whoever you end up with. I will always want the best for you and don't you ever forget that. No hard feelings ok? Much love, Christina :)

Jordan: Dude your so fucking awesome. I wouldn't trade having you as my friend for anything. Yes, sometimes you get on my nerves once in awhile since your so off the wall usually, but in the end I don't care. You have been there alot for me and I don't care what others think and you know I will always be there for you in any way I can. Much love, man.

Brittany: I'm glad we're cool with each other and that we've been able to talk and all. It's good to hear things are going good for you and that's how I want them to be. I always will care about you no matter what. Also, keep that attitude of screw what everyone thinks because seriously, screw em. You'll always have a place in my heart, you know that :)

Sarah: I haven't talked to you in awhile and I hope things are going good for you. You have always been someone I could turn to and I appreciate your honesty when talking to me and listening to my troubles. Your like the sister I've never had and I will always be there for you just like a big brother would. I won't be able to be there too much for obvious reasons, but you know what I mean. Always here for you, Sarah. Kunichiwa!

Andrew: It's been a long time I know. We were both angry with each other and I'm sorry for my end of it. Before I leave I'll try to make it up to you, but if its not possible then know that you will always be one of the bestest friends I have ever had the honor of having. You have been through so much with me and I never want to lose you as a friend. I love you like a fucking brother man and don't you ever forget that. My schwartz will always be bigger than yours though :) I love you, bro!

Ashleigh: We've been hanging out for the past few days and it has been the best. I've been able to talk to you and you actually listen to me. I hope I do the same for you and that you know that I'm there for you as much as is possible to be. I like your honesty with me and in general and I've come to admire your personality. Your seriously one of the coolest people I know and I just want to say that don't ever worry about what people think, not that you do, but don't let people get to you. Your so much better than them and you never will have to prove it because your real friends already know it to be true. I will miss you very much and I hope that things work out for you in general and that you get everything you want and more. Much love, Ashleigh! <3

Rachel: Oh my god, your seriously one of the funniest fucking people I have ever met. I love your care-free personality and attitude so much, don't ever change please! Thanks so much for helping me out during that week, you helped so much and you were right. God I will miss hearing you come up with the most random things that are just too fucking funny to not laugh at. Thank you for being, you. Love you, Rachel!

Kathryn: Where do I begin? You have been such a refreshing person to be around. I love your honesty about things and your down to earth attitude. Thank you so much for making time to chill with me, it meant so much to know that a friend would be willing to cancel plans she had already just to spend the day with me. You get to now always remember me when you think of Disneyland since I was the first guy you ever went alone with to the magical kingdom :). Don't change, ever! God I will miss you so much Kathryn. Love you babe <3

Natalye: Don't think I would ever forget about you :). We haven't talked in forever, but I want to say that you are such a cool girl and I hope everything is working out for you. I don't know what you've been up to lately, so whatever it is, it better be good! Don't ever get involved in the drama of high school if you can help it. It's not worth the hurt, bullshit, sadness, etc. Hope to see you around someday.

Jessica B.: How could I ever forget my little southern accent, Jessica? I haven't seen you in awhile and hopefully before I leave I'll get to, but if I don't I want to say that you are always so fun to hang out with. I always have thought of you as a little sister and so I've always made it a point to protect you if possible, though you are very capable of defending yourself :D. I will miss your silliness and your laid back attitude. Don't change for others and always be yourself. Love you so much, babe!

Jessica H.: Haven't known you as long as some of the others, but I want to say thanks for always inviting me to your parties and all. You have always been nice to me without knowing me all too well and I really appreciate that. I will miss the parties, since I always end up meeting people I've never before and seeing others that I haven't in awhile which is always great. Thanks again so much, Jessica. :)

Drew: Dude, oh man. Your so fucking chill its unbelievable. I used to think you were so whack, but you've changed alot and your so great. If you didn't know, Chris always thought of you as a bro and he thinks your one of the coolest guys around. Don't ever fucking change, Drew! Your fine just the way you are and fuck what everyone else thinks. I'm going to miss you alot man, you have no idea! :D

There are just so many of you, oh my god. I love you all so much and I will miss every single one of you. I wish I could have done some things differently, but of course that isn't possible. I hope that after the first 3 months I'm gone for boot camp and when I come back to visit, that you'll all be around. God...I will miss every fucking one of you! I will miss all the great times I've had with you all and how you all invite me even though I don't even go to the same school as you and am older. You've all treated me as a friend and never have let the reasons I just stated ever get in the way of that. Thank you ALL for that! When I find out where I'll be stationed and all, I will have my mom post the info here and on LJ so if any of you want to write me you can. If you do, please write whatever you want, its just me and I don't judge! Send lots of pics too if you can!!! I want to see what's up and remember how you all are. One last time....I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What happens next?

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 02:43:49 GMT

It's been awhile since I've updated and I'm not too keen on wanting to, but thought I at least let some of you out there know if you don't already that at the end of this month I have to find a new place to live. Grandparents are kicking me out which at first I was like oh my god great...in a bad way, but now I don't really care. I'm tired of catering to what they want when they don't really care about me or my family, so I say, screw them and this fake affection. They are not even going to say goodbye to my brother who is leaving for almost a year before any of them can see him again. I find that to be very childish and immature...just cause they are not happy with him doesn't mean they can't at least say goodbye. No one is telling them to not be unhappy with him still, but at least say goodbye, if you care that is. In this case, it shows me that they don't and they are very hypocritical in how they are. Nice to your face, talk shit behind your back. Not the type of people I want around me and to be considered family. They are nothing to me now and I don't feel bad about it. They've pushed me away slowly, but surely and I don't want to deal with them. Good riddance.

Anyway, since this is most likely my last post ever for LJ, I'll also say what else has been up lately. I have someone new in my life, Christina. There are so many good things to say about her and would take awhile, but I'll sum it up and say, she has been one of the best people to have entered in my life and I am very thankful for being with her. Aside from being my girlfriend, she has been a friend and that is something special I think. I'm not taking jabs at anyone so don't get too full of yourselves if you think I'm going somewhere negative with this. I feel that this relationship is more mature and has calmed me down in many ways then just being all over the place in how I act, talk, etc. I'm glad I can be there for her be it to talk, hold, or just to listen to her. Thank you, Christina :)

Most likely is going to be the last semester of school for me...I'm going to have to get two jobs if I am going to be able to live out here still. I will do my best to make it happen. I do NOT want to lose the things I have, especially my friends and Christina. I will find a way to make it work and I appreciate all of you who have stood by me and helped me out in ways you can't even imagine that in the end, help so much. Thank you all once again for helping me even get this far. I've gotten so much more then what I thought would ever be possible. By the way, I still will comment here and there so don't think otherwise ;). As the title states...what happens next? Only time will tell, but till then....later.

Bye for awhile

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 19:40:22 GMT

Ok this is going to be my last LJ post for awhile. I just feel right now that I don't want to deal with any of the drama and all that it helps to perpetuate. I'll read peoples LJ's from time to time, probably comment once in awhile, but as far as posting, I am done. So there...last post, everyone have a happy new year and try to take care of yourselves. If anyone needs anything don't ever hesitate to call or IM me ok? That goes for everybody! For whoever doesn't have my # its: 235-3861. I'm going to start fresh and make the best of this new year. Ian....out.

Family can be a many splendored....pain in the ass

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 01:18:07 GMT

Cousins from up north are down here for the week so it’s been somewhat busy in the house. Brother is also staying for a week too which has been great for me and I'm sure he likes it too. I feel like I haven't seen him in a long time though it’s only been a couple weeks. When I think back on how we used to be toward one another I find it hard to believe we didn't get along. Now though, we get along great and I accept him for who he is which I am trying to still figure out ;). It's nice being able to talk with someone who has lived the reality I have and has dealt with some of the same problems I have and continue to deal with. Talking with Chris helps me to remember that through all the shit we've been through, he's always been there to have my back. Through the domestic violence bullshit my mom had to deal with and we had to witness, through financial hardships, friendships, etc., he has always been there and I am glad that in my way I am able to repay what he has done for me by having him out here and taking him places.

I feel as if lately I am losing who I was and I believe...who I am, little by little, piece by piece. I can barely remember who I was anymore and that scares me. I don't do many of the things I used to do, some of the habits I had are now gone, good and bad. I miss parts of who I was...I used to love using the computer for example, but in my family, specifically my grandparents, they say they support my passion for computers if I had to put it in words, but whenever I talk about computers, they assume its about games or just play. I think to myself...so what if I play games on my computer? It's my computer, it's my free time and money that I put into it. They might not agree with my hobby, passion, or whatever, but it is MINE. I've let them take away the side of me that used to embrace I guess you can say, the geek inside me. They always think I'm just playing in general and you know what, so the fuck what? If anything, they have no idea how hard I work and I don't really care that they don't. I am so tired of feeling like an outsider in this family and I don't care what anyone else in the family thinks about that. And why do I let them do this to me? Because I try to make them happy so they don't talk shit about me and I can continue to live out here. Enough of that I say...fuck pretending to be someone else to please others. Time to make ME happy. I feel alienated to certain degrees sometimes since I'm into rap for example, violent games, or even for the fact that I may curse, though I keep that to a very low minimum when I'm around any of the family. It seems like that since I don't appear to be really focused on school, hanging out with the family, etc., that I am weird or whatever. To be honest, many of the things I want to do or like to do, the others will not want to do or are not allowed to do. That is why I have friends to do the things they and I like to do.

I feel also as if I'm an empty shell just going through each day with no real goal in mind anymore. My goal has changed so many times that I can't find anything worth working toward...only thing that keeps me going is that others depend on me and if I have nothing to look forward to, at least I can help them in whatever way to help them get what they want. My first goal was going to school, but now school seems so irrelevant since it has been forced on me so persistently that the thrill of it has gone...I used to love my days at LACC (Los Angeles City College) and I was hoping that when I moved out here and would go back to school again that I would be able to be back in that type of environment, though being older it would be different. Being forced to take certain amounts of credits just to be able to live in their house is fine to a degree, but for example, the holiday season came and they still wanted me to take 12 units (about 3 classes) at one school while I still had another class still going at a different school. I thought to myself, what the fuck!? You want to fucking wear me out? I've never done this type of work during a holiday season and of course it was going to be hell. God I fucking had to come in at 4:30 and most of the time would not leave till 11:45-1:00 in the goddamn morning. That wore me out so fast that I'm sure people noticed I was alot of times out of it. Going to work now is like my only escape from this prison of emotion I like to call it. I hate feeling trapped and restricted in this house. That is why I hardly ever fucking stay if I have to. I'm always finding something to do, whatever it is, to get the fuck out and just be able to be myself, away from the trash talking that they do about my mom, family, me, etc. I'm so fucking tired of it all, especially now that my Aunt Debbie is down here I hear it even more! Fucking grandmother, Aunt Lisa, and my Aunt Debbie were talking shit about my family and I knew they fucking were. I was in earshot and could hear them doing it. I get so pissed off because I think...they are supposed to be the fucking adults, but instead they are acting like fucking children. These are the people I'm supposed to show respect toward? Why don't I deserve the same respect from them? I don't go talking shit behind their backs, especially when they are in the fucking house. Goddamn all of them.

Veered off track a little so I'll get back on...my other goal for doing anything was for my girlfriend. Be it to buy her something special, be able to spend time with her, etc. Now I haven't been able to see her for 2 weeks and it hurts...I feel even more lost without her. She was someone I could talk to and who would listen to me also, but now I don't even have her at the moment and I miss her so much :(. I feel as if I don't even have her to look forward to as I go through each day and through each night of work...Thing is, I think of her all the time. When I go to the movies, with my friends, work, almost every moment. Goddamn I miss her so much...And through it, I still love her even more. That is why it hurts so much to not be able to see her right now. I wish I could be around people like my mom and Chris and some of his friends. They seem so much more...for real. They seem to understand where I'm coming from and support the things I'm doing. Some of the people now, either a) don't give a shit, b) say ya, great job, but I can tell they don't fucking care still or c) actually care. I know my girlfriend falls in category C and I know Andrew supports me too, but for others such as my grandparents and aunts, they don't care. From what I understand, my grandparents wouldn't care if I lost my job. They only care that I do school, which is FINE, but I need the fucking job to be able to do things I want to do. They wanted me to be more independent and complained that my mom would not let me, but at the same time ironically...they are doing the same thing and they probably and most likely...don't even realize it.

I know this has been a long entry and if anyone read this far...I can't really give you anything except a thank you from me that you actually took the time to read it. I just want to say in closing that I love you mom. Chris you fucking rock and I'm going to be sad when your gone, especially since I feel that we've only started really understanding each other and just being cool with one another. I miss you already man. :( I also want to say Andrew, you’re the fucking best man. You've been there for me for such a long time and I really appreciate it...seriously. I'll always have your back as long as you need me :). And finally...Brittany, I miss you so much right now...I know I've said that many times, but damn...you’re the only person I think about all the time. I love you so much and if anyone has a problem with that, fuck them because I could care less now. Damn, you’re the only person I want to be with right now...I still haven't even been able to give you the Christmas present I got you. I hate the holidays this year...its all about family and being with that special someone in your life and the one person who is special to me...I can't even be with...poor me I guess. Anyway, I love you babe. I hope we can see each other soon. To everyone else who’s on my good list (you know who you are), hope the holidays are treating you well. All I know is that I want to find myself again. I don't want to feel lost, I don't want to feel as if I have no worth in what I do and in who I am, and I don't want to feel just so empty...Being emo is so fucking gay, but of course I'm the poster boy for emo how great. Alright, enough of this for now...later all.

Merry whatever the fuck you celebrate...

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 21:48:34 GMT

Yeah yeah yeah...another Christmas rolls around and for once in my life I really don't care. I was so excited for this time of year to come and now I couldn't care less. I'm so drained from work, school, and from all the bullshit that's happened and not happened this past few weeks. Sometimes I feel things are not even fucking worth doing anymore. I'm so tired of being a nice guy sometimes and I hate that fucking saying that nice guys finish last because it seems to always be true. I hate how probably after I write this and tomorrow comes, I'll be ok and whatever and be like what the fuck...But for now I don't feel like bothering with anything or anyone right now so fuck this. All I know is that I have a few people I know who have my back and for sure the two people I can count on are my bro Chris and Andrew. Tightest motherfuckers ever, seriously. Always been there for me, through the ups and downs. Anyway, fuck Christmas this year...you all fucking enjoy yourselves.

By the way, I just want to also add that I'm tired of changing who I am to fucking fit in with my friends, school, work, etc. For one, I am a fucking geek. I love computers, playing games, etc. I like to go to the movies and I like to cuss so much its like another language for me. I sometimes couldn't care less about what people talk about, but since I'm so fucking nice I'll act like I'm listening. I'll do things I don't want to do or go places I don't want to go just so the majority of people are happy. I'm tired of it all, its who I am, you don't like me, fuck you then. Seriously, I'm so done pretending...fuck it, lates.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 18:51:25 GMT

What a long and hard week it has been. Being sick and having to go to work, then school early in the morning and back again starts to wear on you. I got through it and now there is this week thats going to be long, but at least no school for 2 weeks, so that should help. Anyway, I came up to my mom's to fix some comp problems for people and whatnot and for one person I owe to do it because they are giving me an exchange for this gift I got for Brittany :). Didn't think I was going to stay the night, but ended up doing so. Before that though I was over at the clubhouse and a quick fight happen and it was so stupid because they guy who threw the punch, ran like a little coward which made me laugh. The police caught up with him and the mom wants to charge the kid with assault which is w/e to me.

Later went to the movies with Chris and Mikey and saw, Blade: Trinity, which actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Next day chilled with my bro and then later went to this kid's house named, Jaggar, where he had a couple people over. I'd say was about 10 people in all or w/e, some girls and some boys. Stayed till like 1 because started talking to the parents for awhile after the girls left. Omg this kid's parents are fucking hilarious and I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. They are like the coolest parents ever I think, because they are just real and that is refreshing to be around. Now I'm just finishing eating and then I have to head back down to take care of some things and then go to work. Well gotta go, lates.

Miss you, Brittany! <3

I love you, Brittany!

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 20:01:01 GMT

Like whoa, I don't even know where to begin these days. I barely can even think straight or speak straight, without losing my train of thought or...OMG! She is all I think about these days, when I wake up and all the way till I go to sleep. Thing is, I don't even want to stop thinking about her. She is so beautiful, funny, and most of all someone I love so much. I don't get to see her much, but when I do get to see her, every second is worth it. Even if it is only for 5 minutes or 5 seconds, I just think to myself that I am so grateful to be with someone that I care about so much and vice versa. She is everything to me and I know that may sound lame or whatever, but its how I feel and that is what matters to me, aside from her :). All I ever feel or think about doing is finding ways to make her happy which in turn makes me happy. Its funny when I think back on how I first met her and how we ended up together. I've known her for almost over a year now and I always thought to myself, damn shes cute. Then I finally started talking to her during the football games and started to get to know her even better. I realized that she was really a nice person and someone I can talk to and be myself around. All I can say is...I love her for loving me and in effect...I love her. Thank you, Brittany for making me feel this way and I hope that I do the same for you. I love you so much and can't wait to see you again soon. <3

Best year ever :-D

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 04:35:39 GMT

I know I know, I haven't updated in awhile, but just so many things have happened that I've just been too busy to update. Let's first start with...I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!! I finally moved back to my grandparents and I am going to make it work this time. So yes, I'm back and loving it sooooooooo much. Work's been busier lately with holiday season around the corner and all so I've been having to work longer and come in earlier. One day I was there till 1:30 in the morning, but at least I get overtime for it.

Thanksgiving was blah...especially when I got a call from Jordan saying Brittany was sad..it just tore me apart inside. I won't go into details of why and what happened, but let me just say that yes, worse thanksgiving...ever!

Talked to Brittany that Friday and told her how much I care about her and how sorry I was that I hurt her :(. We had planned for that Saturday to go to the movies and I was feeling down because I felt that I had ruined everything, but we ended up still going and my god...one of the best nights I have ever had. We saw the Incredibles, though I had seen it already I didn't care as long as I was there with her. I was so nervous throughout the movie and then after it was done Chris, Haylea (Brittany's friend), Brittany and I started walking around and not doing much, but w/e. Then Chris and Haylea ditched us lol so Brittany and I were alone...I couldn't stop being nervous, I have never been in that type of situation before, but I just tried to remember to be myself because thats who she likes...me :). I took her phone away since she was going to call Haylea and I didn't want her to leave yet so I held it from her and she tried to get it away from me, but I wouldn't budge and then she stopped, put her arm down and put both arms around me and then...I won't say the rest, but I will say that it was the best moment ever.

There is more to say for this week that just past but I'll skip ahead to this Saturday which to anyone who didn't know or w/e, Alex's birthday party! Andrew and I arrived at Alex's around 7:30ish and met Brittany, Jordan, and Haylea outside. We all went in the house and then Jordan wanted some gum so we went out to my car to get some, but then I told him I was going to wait outside and ask Brittany to come outside because I wanted to give her the gift I got for her. So I called her and asked her to come out and she did and I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I had missed her very much and that I had something I wanted to give her...I then took out of my pocket a small box and opened it and told her it was for her. It was a heart shaped emerald/diamond necklace. The look on her face when I gave it to her was so worth it all...I just felt so lucky to hold her in my arms and to be able to look into her eyes and think how lucky I am to be with this girl.

I would go into the whole party and all, but I'm sure few people would have even read this far and I am somewhat tired at the moment so I'll let others who I know have posted about the party give details about it. I just want to say happy birthday, Alex! And also, I love you very much Brittany :)
Later all!

Up and down and all around...

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 23:12:45 GMT

Things just change so quickly, its amazing how we get through situations sometimes. Well, went to the football game on Friday and watched both JV and Varsity lose to Chatsworth. I only cared about watching Andrew playing and saw him get some good plays in so it was all good. Went to Sarah's after the varsity game and chilled there for a couple hours, oh my god her dad is freakin hilarious, we had him say "Fo sho" and he said it so uniquely that we all just laughed. Afterward, took my bro home all the way back to my mom's so didn't get there till 3, then came back later that day and hung out with Andrew all day playing Halo 2 coop and then online. Sunday, could tell something was up since grandparents were giving me looks or w/e and sure enough later my grandfather and I had a talk and the end result was that I was told after work on Monday not to come back for 2 weeks. So here I am having to get used to not having a definite place to stay at the moment, but I want to thank my friend Byron and his roommate Matt alot for letting me stay at their place for the 2 weeks, though I wont be there everyday, but still. Thanks also to everyone who has been supportive and doing what they can to help me out, much appreciated. Its my fault for this happening, but I also think its good actually in a way, maybe I'll see things differently not so much because of my grandparents, but on how I feel about things in general. I am unsure at the moment how this will all work out, but I'll be ok and just focusing on going to school and work and making sure I get both done. Anyway I'm out, later all.

Halloween!

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 04:42:23 GMT

Hey all! Haven't updated in awhile I know, just been really busy with work, playing GTA: San Andreas (what a loser I am!) and sleeping. Work's been a bitch, we keep having to stay till like 11:15-12:30 cause stupid East side (other section of the hub) can't keep it together and load good enough. Definitely making bank though, got $162 for last week which is more than I usually get which is all good with me. Haven't been doing much else except helping my aunt move out to her new place. I have no real plans for this weekend so far and I'm not really going to trip about it so w/e. Just chillin with Andrew and watching his bro play some Mario Golf. Well going to find something to do and just enjoy the weekend. Loving life at the moment and hope this holiday season won't be too stressful, especially at work. Aight I'm out, later all and....

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!

Sucks being sick

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 20:58:21 GMT

Well I'm sick for whoever didn't know or for people who even care. Week was pretty much ok, went to work really excited since taking off the one friday really threw me off as far as my schedule and all. They switched me to a different belt, Yellow, which is the 2nd hardest belt there. It's been ok so far and I dont mind the extra hours since yellow belt usually is there longest. Got sick on Friday though, went to work and felt like shit so the full-timer, Chris, let me be one of the first people to get off so I was like thanks man, appreciate. Went to Byron's after work, stayed up till 4 which I shouldn't have, so of course I felt crappy and was feeling really down on myself. Woke up at 12 on Saturday, came home around 1:30 and went with Andrew to Lazy J to play some football which was pretty fun, though I shouldn't have since I was sick but w/e. Then after we went to Andrew's house and chilled for a couple hours, then we went to the St. Bernadine's carnival which was great. Was so funny, Andrew and I were on this ride, I forget the name, but anyway we turned upside down or w/e and I forgot my cell phone was in my shirt pocket so it fell out and we saw it dive down all slow motion like and we just started laughing cause it was too funny. We kept going around and around and kept seeing it on the floor and continued to laugh till the ride finally stopped. I luckily found all the pieces, SIM card, battery, cover, and surprisingly, the phone still works! Afterward, Drew, Andrew and I went to Jessica's party which was pretty blah, but was funny to see people trying to pretend to be drunk and so we were like w/e and just laughed at some of them. Stayed longer then we thought we would, but left around like 9:40 and decided to go to Blockbuster, didn't rent anything, and then went back to Andrew's house and chilled for a couple hours. Drew left after a couple hours and then I started falling asleep playing this game with Andrew so I went home and that's been pretty much what has transpired this whole week.

Aight, I'm going to back to like...w/e I was doing which I'm not even sure anymore...damn I am sick :(...later all.

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 22:56:07 GMT

Well let's begin shall we? On Friday I went to Andrew's football game against North Hollywood. ECR killed em and though I didn't watch the game too much I saw a couple of good hits Andrew got on some of those guys :). Stayed for the varsity game, but didn't really watch much of it, was too busy being hyper and hanging out with so many people. Afterward, went to Spooky House with my bro, Holli and Jordan. We got on Blood Bath and Beyond for free since Holli's bro, also named Ian, works there. I liked the attraction better last year, but oh well what can ya do? Later, Lauren and Paige showed up and so we hung out till like 11 or something, then gave Lauren and Paige a ride home, then went to chill at Holli's house for a bit, then dropped off Jordan and then dropped off my bro at my friend Byron's place. I didn't get to sleep till 3 and around like 10, Jordan called me and woke me up though I said he didn't, but anyway, picked Jordan up and went to Sarah's to fix her comp. Picked up Holli later and Byron dropped Chris off at Jordan's. We did some stuff, but nothing really major...to be honest I started getting bored near the end of the day and so I pretty much chilled on Jordan's comp. Then we got lost trying to get to the Burbank 16 theaters cause my bro was like I know how to get there, but we ended up lost so then we went to the Promenade, only 2 movies were playing by 10:45 so we said forget that, went to Carl's Jr. and did some stupid stuff at the plaza near Jordan's house. Then dropped Jordan and Holli off at their respective homes and then took Chris back up to my mom's and didn't get there till 1:30. Today I'm pretty much not doing anything and am disappointed by that, but w/e. I know what your going to say Andrew, you don't need to be doing something everyday, but for me...I only get the weekends off so ya I want to make the best of it. Going to end it at that, not really a great entry, but I'm like really in a weird mood, tired and just feeling downish so...lates.

Been busy

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 04:26:10 GMT

As the title states I've just been really busy this past month just working and going to school. I don't get home till like at least 11-11:30 or later depending how long they keep me. I can't believe its already been a month now. I have been so tired lately from work and school is just plain boring right now. I cant wait till it ends for this semester, especially with the holidays coming up which will keep me at work way late since we will have so many packages to load :(. I must say though I like making money and I sure as hell work hard for it so I dont spend it too much, but on the weekends I spend a little since the weekends are my only days off to just relax and have a little fun.

This weekend I had a good time, took Andrew, Jordan, Sarah and Holli driving for a bit trying to figure out where to go and all and I forget for how long we did that, then later we had to pick up this girl named, Jessica, at the Hollywood Video at Platt since she got dropped off at the wrong one, then we went back to the Hollywood Video by Jordan's place and got 2 movies, Butterfly Effect and Full Metal Jacket. Both were very good movies, we watched Butterfly Effect first and then half of FMJ. Then had to take Andrew and Sarah home so we left like at 10:30 and I stayed up for a bit...though I shouldn't have, should have been sleeping heh. Then Sunday Andrew and I picked up Jordan and then Holli and did nothing for awhile, but just drive around and stop at people's houses. Later we got a pizza that got discounted since a friend of theirs, Alex, works at Numero Uno's so that was cool and then we went to go get a movie. Andrew picked it out and I must say it was pretty....ummm....funny? After we watched the movie, took Andrew home and now I'm here, finally updating my LJ and now I have nothing left really that I can think of writing so I'll leave it at that. Lates all.

Had a good weekend

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 23:06:50 GMT

Went up to my mom's place up in the mountains, about an hour and a half from here and stayed for the weekend. Was alright and luckily they had a festival or else I would have been so bored. I started talking to this girl named, Francesca, who was working at the slide for the kids and she was really cool and hot as well. I mostly walked around with my bro, Chris, and met some of his friends and then we stayed up Saturday night at my mom's office but before that we got pranked and it was pretty childish. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with that down here. Anyway, so Sunday we woke up way late like around 11 and then my bro and I walked around for a bit, got bored and I decided to take him to the movies down in Valencia and my stepdad let us borrow his truck so that was pretty cool on his part. We saw Without A Paddle, which I thought was funny though my bro laughed less then I did. Got home around like 12:30 and I watched Celebrity Deathmatch for a little then went to sleep.

Went on Monday to look for cars and got one the same day. Its a Toyota Echo 2001 model, red, manual transmission, new stereo system that the previous owner put in and I didn't have to pay for it, and it had 59,218 miles on it. Cost me about $7200 which isn't too bad and it will help me get around where I need to go like school, work, and wherever Andrew makes me go lol. Work is tough, but I am getting the hang of it, finally have a real trainer so he'll be helping me learn some of what to do till Friday which will be my first day alone along with a full shift. My bro is in town for the week visiting and also to get away from some of the drama up where he lives so I've been taking him places when I can and Andrew has been great with inviting him to things like Jordan's party on Tuesday. He told me he had a good time which I am happy about and I'm glad he has a chance to just enjoy himself before he leaves for boot camp at the end of this month. Going to miss him alot, but now that I have a car I can visit him more often and spend some time with him. Well I can't think of anything else at the moment because I feel so out of it right now from work so I'm going to leave it at that. Later all.

Finally got a....J-O-B! :)

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 02:50:21 GMT

As the title states I got a job! I will be working at UPS as either the loader or unloader, depending on where they put me. My shift is going to be from 5:30 pm to 10:30 pm, which works great with my schedule at school and all. I'm going to be making $8.50 an hour and after 3 months it will go up to $9. This job is going to be tough, but I'm willing to do it and it will be good for me as well for numerous reasons. One reason being I get to finally be busy so I don't have to be home as much. Another is I'll be making some money and working hard for it. There are other reasons I'm sure, but those are the two main ones I thought of at the moment. Anyway, I go in tomorrow to fill out the paperwork and I'll be starting on Monday, August 30th. Sucks though cause its on my bro's birthday, but I'll make sure to do something special with him like the weekend before. School is going ok right now, accounting sucks, my networking class is great, and math is the same...boring!

At home things are weird...I just keep to myself more these days since lately involving my grandparents in my life as much as I did in the past has just caused me more stress then its worth. I've found that when I first moved out here they really helped alot not just with letting me come out here, getting setup with school, etc., but also with fitting in. Nowadays though, I feel really distant toward them, I see things differently. I don't involve them with school really or anything else for that matter because lately these past 3-4 months they have caused my problems to become worse then they originally were. I have no problems with my aunt really, she keeps to herself and doesn't involve herself in my life which is how I like it right now. Not saying I don't mind going to the movies or something with her and my cousin once in awhile, but as far as school and all I like how she stays out of it now. I know my grandfather means well, but lately I just dont see eye to eye with him and some of it is me, but other times I dont think he understands which I am sure is typical so I'm not special. My grandmother though...man she is like too opinionated for her own good it seems. I've never seen anyone be so intrusive and mean-spirited in a long time. Many people would disagree with me about this assessment if they only deal with her once in awhile, but I see her everyday and I know how she is...It also seems as if she places more favoritism on her side of the family, I've only been seeing it here and there so I'll give her points for not making it obvious, but I see and hear at times how she regards my grandfather's side of the family for example my cousin Melissa, in a lesser light then her side. Today she had her ladies over for bridge or w/e and she was saying something about how Melissa at 12 should already know not to throw a ball in the house. I was like ya she threw it and broke the head on your little statue, big deal! She's going to pay for it anyway and even I was doing it which I dont care what anyone thinks cause we were all having a good time. There's more to it, but I don't remember exactly all she said, but that was the gist of it. Anyway, I just don't like how she is and I dont like her in my business cause she makes everything more difficult then it should have to be and I'm tired of it. Lately she has only caused me to be more stressed out and I don't need it so w/e I keep to myself and let her be in her own little world where her side of the family is perfect, I'm screwed up, blah blah blah.

If you read this far then give yourself a pat on the back, if not then...its all good still.
OH BTW! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARAH! :)

Today's my birthday! :)

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 03:04:24 GMT

Today I have turned the wonderful age of 19. Well maybe its not the wonderful age, but nevertheless another year has gone by where I have survived this long to reach this age :P. Anyway, at first the day started very slow for me. For the first time ever I had class on my birthday, so it was really strange. I had nothing planned for today and Andrew was busy so I was just planning to stay home and do nothing. I fell asleep for two hours which really surprised me and woke up around 6. Then my grandmother told me that her, my grandfather, and my aunt were going to take me out to dinner at Chili's. I had the grilled salmon which was really good and a shake to boot. During dinner I got a call from my mom, though I could not answer it at the time, which she left a voicemail message with her and my little brother Wesley singing happy birthday. It was really nice because I did not think she was going to call me and thought maybe she had either forgotton, was angry at me, or something else. Also, Natalye called me, but was also during dinner so I could not answer it and she left me a voicemail as well wishing me a happy birthday too. All in all, I'm glad my grandparents took me out to dinner. It really made the day for me and I just am really feeling good about everything and I believe part of it is that I am now trying to just set things right and working on making something out of myself. It has taken awhile for me to come to this point since I have been spending more time playing then I should have, but I'm glad I'm here now and I really want to make things work. Thank you everyone for all your love and support and hope to see all of you sometime soon! :)

Things are getting better

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 00:33:13 GMT

Ok it seems like everything goes up and down and the past couple of days were down to say the least, but oh man yesterday was awesome! I was invited by my buddy Byron to go with him and Matt to possibly go see I, Robot and hang out at some other places with a friend of his named Dana that he met through this girl he likes, Natalie, and a couple of her friends. Dana's friends were really great, I talked to one of them, Katherine, the most. She was really cool and was funny too. The other one was Raquel and whoa...she was so hot I couldn't believe it. She was pretty shy because she didnt know any of us so I tried to talk to her sometimes and eventually later on in the night she started talking more. I really need to work on calming down around girls...I talk so freaking much around them and sometimes its great, but I'm sure it gets annoying for them after awhile lol. I'm just used to always being in the background, the quiet shy guy, and I get tired of it so finally thats why lately I try to just talk more with people. I'm still learning what works and what doesnt as always and yes I am sure I made a fool of myself on numerous occasions, but oh my god it was so much fun being out with them. Next time I'm going to try and relax a little more...well not relax in the sense that I was nervous or whatever, but as in being too hyper. We're probably going again on Saturday from what I heard and that will be fun for sure. I just want to thank you again Byron for inviting me, it was good to see you again. It's been awhile and your a neat guy, but you dont need me to tell you that :P. Anyway, so yeah thanks again man and I cant wait till next Saturday, should be good fun. By the way my birthday is tomorrow and so is Andrew's! I dont know what I want to do for it...I have class on that day and it kind of ruins it in my eyes, but I dont know. I will try to do something, but what that will be, I have no idea. Well anyway I'm out so later all!

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 00:41:12 GMT

Normally I wait a week till I post in my LJ, but right now I want to just write down some stuff that I'm thinking about and that is bugging me. First off, I dont know whats up really with Andrew and I...I mean nothing serious has happened or anything so dont get me wrong, but I feel as if however I seem to act he seems to get angry at me after awhile. Part of it is that I can be annoying, I know that, but also sometimes it just throws me off cause its like wtf? I dunno...I just want us to be like cool with each other, hes like the bestest friend I have EVER had and still have and I just want us to get along. I've always got his back no matter what and I'll never let anyone get in the way of that. I dont know if that makes me sound weird or w/e, but hes the best and I always want him as my best friend.

Another thing on my mind is this situation I have with my grandparents. Its like sometimes I feel nothing seems to be good enough for them, like for example I am doing right now 13 units for school and they are still like thats not enough. Last time I took 15 units I had to pay for the extra class out of my pocket and I am not willing to do that again, but of course its either be busy like crazy or be kicked out. Sure I love it that they have let me come out here and have helped me out with getting situated and learning new things, but I also dont want all my free time being spent at school and stuff. I was lucky enough to pass all my classes with somewhat decent grades...if I had done it again this summer I probably would be in the same boat. I just want them to be happy for a change with me...it seems as if cause I have grown up so differently and am VERY different then they are that I'm like the odd guy out. Ahhhh it just drives me crazy inside sometimes, I'm just so tired of it :(

One last thing I feel like talking about is me possibly wanting to move out. Not back to my mom's, but somewhere else. My friend, Byron, has mentioned it to me and the condition would be that I need a job. I completely understand this, but for me I'm not used to being very independent and the thought of having to go get a job is kinda nerve-racking. I went one day and hit about like 6 places or w/e, but as of yet haven't gotten a call back so I'm not hopeful on that end. I SO would love to move in with him and whoever else would be moving in too, but I just dont know what is wrong with me at all...its like everyone tells me, "Ian get a job" and then they tell me their stories and its like ya duh of course it makes sense, but somewhere inside me I just think to myself...STFU ALREADY...I dont care about your goddamn stories. I'm not this really great guy that you are or w/e, I'm not cool, I'm not this, leave me alone. They think they are helping me out, but in reality they aren't and I just feel even worse about myself. Like today, my mom started yelling at me about it and I got into a fight with her on the phone and I just got so pissed off with her. She's like if you get kicked out I'll kick the shit out of you, get off your ass and find one, etc. Well anyway, things just dont seem to be working out the way I would like them to which is what usually happens and I'm just starting to feel really down about everything...I'm just so sick of it all!!! I hate myself right now for not being able to do what needs to be done to help fix these things. Most of this is all my fault and I realize it and you would think if I know this and it bothers me so much then why dont I do what it takes to fix it? Well you got me on that because I dont know why I dont and I dont seem to fucking care right now and that pisses me off too. I've only been able to count on a few people these days and I can only say thank you for your support. Andrew, Byron, Jennifer, and Natalye, your all the best and thanks again...I would go fucking crazy without you guys helping me out.